I was attending one of John Maxwell’s seminars when I heard him say “you know, with a very tiny exception, the rest of the world is all about someone else.” Think about a time when someone showed you a group picture with you in it. What’s the first thing you looked at? How did you determine whether that picture was good or not? I’m willing to bet that the first place you looked was at yourself and the way you determined whether the picture was good or not, solely depended on how you looked in it! If you can, pay attention to the conversation next time someone asks you “how was your weekend?” What you’ll notice is that as soon as you describe your weekend to the person who asked, they will immediately continue the conversation by telling you about their weekend. Most people listen with the intent to respond and not to understand or hear because they mainly care about themselves!
Don’t feel bad, we all do it! It’s natural for us to always think of ourselves. After all, that’s who we spend the most time with!
What I’m hoping to create with this writing is awareness to help you attract more people by becoming a better leader, sales person, friend, teammate, family member…. I think you understand where I’m going with and greatly appreciate you taking your time to read this, thank you!
Understanding that most people only care about their agenda and think about themselves provides an unbelievable amount of opportunity for you to create long lasting relationships. Relationships which will help position you as a confidant because you will become a people magnet. Why is it important to become a people magnet? It’s important because you and I are the tiny exceptions Dr. Maxwell was speaking about. And, since the rest of the world is all about other people, I would highly recommend that we shift our focus from “me” and “I” to “you” and “them.”
Many people have the “me against the world mindset” where they believe that everyone is just out for themselves and they look for ways to get ahead even if it means stepping on someone to get there. I believe it’s better to have people come along your side, while you push them up and they pull you up, to help you both achieve what you want in life. One of Zig Ziglar’s famous quotes is “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want” and this is exactly what I’m talking about here!
If we follow the pattern of successful people like Andrew Carnegie, Henry Ford, Napoleon Hill, and many others, we learn that no one has ever achieved success alone. They always had great people around them who helped them along the way, yet many of us don’t have great people around us. Here is one way we can influence people to join our “team” and to come along with us on our journey to success. Become a true FRIEND.
F – Focus on your agenda and not mine
R – Respect you as a person and always reach to understand your “why”
I – Introduce valuable ideas and people to you
E – Expect nothing in return and always Exceed expectations
N – Nurture you in every way I can and intentionally find ways to do so
D – Discover the things that are important to you by being genuinely curious about you
By becoming a FRIEND, you will make people feel special and take them to new heights in a world where most people focus only on themselves. In return, they will follow you. Not because they have to, but because they want to. People gravitate to places where they feel good about themselves and if you can go out of your way to make someone else feel good, they will gravitate towards you! To take the first step towards becoming a FRIEND, become genuinely curious about the person you want to influence and attract. Find out everything you can about them through conversation and asking great questions. Learn about:
- Their past
- About the things that make them happy and sad
- What they are trying to achieve and what’s been holding them back
- How you can help them get what they want and help them
- Why they want to get what they’re looking for
Becoming a FRIEND is not easy. It will take a lot of work and trust building before people will want to open up and share their feelings, but if you stay committed and become intentional about understanding the other person and their desires, you will significantly increase your level of influence with others.
If you were curious enough to read this up until this point, thank you! I’d love to hear your thoughts on how using the FRIEND principle can help or has helped you in your life or career. How do you think this applies to leading people, sales, or family?
If you have any questions or would like to brainstorm ideas, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I’d love to hear from you!
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