I’m going to suggest that you probably love to be correct, is that true? I know it is for me! Typically, when we win an argument, or prove a point, we walk away feeling great about ourselves. We’ve all experienced a dispute where we had the person cornered. No matter what they said, we had a comeback and a reason why they were wrong. We wanted to prove not only that we’re correct, but that they’re incorrect. Can you relate? Is it possible that you were the winner of that argument? What about the times when you were the incorrect one?
I believe, we lose way more than we win when we try to prove our point in an argument. During a disagreement, our fight or flight instincts kick in. When that happens, our pupils focus, heart rate goes up, and mind is 100% thinking about the person we’re arguing with. Our bodies tense up and we aren’t able to relax. This is important to know because we’re not able to concentrate on more than one thing at a time and we become fixated on winning an argument instead of trying to see other points of view.
In reality, by winning, we don’t learn anything and we don’t get an opportunity to understand where the other person was coming from. Another con to winning in this case is that the other person probably ends up feeling hurt or embarrassed about the whole situation which will limit their communication with you in the future. After all this, when was the last time we were actually able to change someone else’s belief? Even if they say they agree with your ideas after the argument, it’s most likely to end the conversation and not because they now see it your way.
The other aspect where we’re wrong about being wrong is in pursuing our goals. I’ll give you an example. Can you think of something you want to accomplish, but you’re not moving forward with it? Most of the times the things that stop us are fear and never having to complete that task before. When I was thinking about becoming a leadership trainer, coach, and a motivational speaker, I was terrified of what others would say about me. For over a decade, people knew me as a sales rep or sales manager and I was so scared of approaching people and asking them for an opportunity to train them. I let this false fact stop me for months! I was lucky because some people stay stopped for life.
Amazing how a certified coach, like myself, who is trained in helping people get over their fears, was stuck because I was afraid! I was holding on to my fear and I was positive that as soon as I approached people they would reject me. Needless to say, I was completely wrong. When I approached people, they embraced the idea. I received opportunities to speak in front of organizations, train various companies, and have coached over a dozen people to help them achieve their goals.
Me being wrong was the best thing that happened to me in this case. Unfortunately, being wrong will not always turn out so positively all the time. There will be times when what you thought couldn’t be further from the truth. When that happens, I suggest that you embrace the learning experience. During an argument the one who speaks less and makes the other person feel like they’re correct, wins in the long run. When trying to understand what stops us from being where we want to be in life, ask yourself the following questions:
- What am I not seeing?
- What do I know is true, that may not be?
- What are some other options to get to where I want to be?
- What’s really stopping me? Why?
- Why do I want to achieve this in my life?
- If I do achieve it, what will that do for me?
When arguing with someone, a good approach to take is to believe that the person you’re arguing with is coming from a good place. They have their own truth which they passionately believe in and they want the end result to be good. Looking at it from that perspective, you will be able to relax, open your eyes, ears, and heart, and truly listen to understand where they’re coming from.
Our goals in all aspects of life should involve building as many relationships with people as possible and the best way to do this is to help other people feel good about themselves. Even if it means letting them “win” an argument!
If you have some fears which are currently holding you back from achieving your goals, you may find some great ideas to move past your stuck state by attending the Put Your Dreams to the Test seminar on July 16th! I promise you will leave there more energized about following your passion than you’ve been in a while!
Click on this link to register: http://www.vipeventsconcierge.com/upcoming-events/
“Live your purpose”
The Goal Guide